Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Reliving Life

So it is 1:30 in the morning. I should be sleeping but I'm not. I was sitting at my sewing machine working on a bag, (Birdie Sling by Amy Butler) and thinking. I am thinking about how my life has been this last year. I have had to deal with some stuff that I have never dealt with before. Some things like moving to a new state, well I have done that but this one was a little different because we have family here, My hubby loosing his job, months with no income, living on the little that was put back, living with family that I knew but not that well, and know now maybe too well, hubby going to school to drive very large trucks, getting a job that has him on the road 5 days a week. All in all it has been a busy and very trying year. I am very thankful that I don't have a tendency to be depressed because this year may have killed me if I did.
Last July we moved up to Oregon from our home in Santa Cruz, California. We came up here with big dreams and the hope of getting to know my dads side of the family. We had visited a few times in my childhood and a few times in adulthood. I truly have a loving family. But when we came up here we were thinking it would only be a few weeks living with family and then we would be finding a house of our own. My parents were selling their home in Santa Cruz and moving up to Oregon and had offered to put a down payment on a home for my little big family. The first offer they got, that was suppose to close a few days after we made it up here, it fell through. Not nice. So their house went back on the market and the waiting game began again. We lived with my grandparents for a few weeks. The time we spent there I felt no mater how hard I tried nothing I did to help them out was done right. Sad really. With my hubby taking a big pay cut we were trying to figure out what to do. My wonderful cousin and Aunt offered a room in their home till things were figured out. We spent a little over 4 months with them. We laughed a lot, had some hard times, my help was better excepted, (well so I thought) there. The company that my hubby worked for offered us a house on their property. So in January we moved out of my aunts and into what I called the 70's vomit house. It was a 40 minute drive to get the kids to school every day then a 40 minute drive home. It sucked but we had our own place for a bit. Rent was cheep and we were able to get a few things we wanted/needed. It felt good. Little did I know, the trouble was a brewing. Feelings were being hurt and noses disjointed. But at this time I didn't really know. So after a few months there my parents house finally sold and they moved up into our lovely house of vomit. They started a house hunt for them, we looked at a few houses for us, they found one and paid it in cash and thought they would use their instant equity for a downpayment for us. Hubby lost his job due to paperwork not being as it should have been. All of us, my crew and my parents and grandmother (mom's mom) moved into their new house that really isn't big enough for all of us but we are making it work. I found a house that was great but when we looked into making an offer we found out that my parents couldn't pull from their equity for 6 months. Well that was a shocker. But we are dealing with it. My dad was spending time visiting his sisters and parents, then coming home and telling me all the lovely thing that were being said about me. All kinds of trouble I had caused with out even knowing it. I hadn't helped enough, I should have payed for more things, didn't keep things as clean as I should, and sadly the list goes on and on. And keeps going on. Every time I think something has been worked out then back it all comes. When you ask but are never told of what is expected of you , you don't know. Then with everyone holding on to all kinds of crap that I had no idea about is making me crazy. So here I sit in a state that I would never have moved to if it wasn't full of family, and my family thinks I'm shit. I am stuck in a situation that I can in no way rectify. It is some fun stuff I tell you.
Thank mercy goodness I go with the flow really well. I will at some point in time have a house that will be all my own. I can then work on making this place feel like home. I may even see my family from time to time, I will try to be on my very best behavior, use my manors and perhaps hand out gobs of cash. But first I will have to find it, I somehow misplaced my gobs of cash. So sad. Just needed to boo hoo a bit. Now back to the regularly scheduled program.